Things I've learned...thus far.

Motherhood is the single most important job you'll ever have. Being a new mother, I thought I would impart some of my wisdom to the soon to be mama's out there.

1) It is actually possible to take a shower in the time it takes the music on your child's mobile to start and stop.
2) When diapering a baby boy...WATCH OUT. No, seriously. His weapons are dangerous. I say weapons because his little booty is just as dangerous. Don't discount it...ever. You will pay dearly.
3) You become immune to spit up and diaper blowouts. Trust me. It's never fun, but at some point you shrug and calmly take it like a woman.
4) You will do anything to win your child's smile. This means acting like a complete and total moron in public. The great thing is you don't care what people think anymore. You just got that baby's smile, and it is the most amazing feeling in the world.
5) You don't actually need that much sleep to survive. Sleep is optional. Ok, not really...A lot of sleep definitely is optional. I survived many a day with minimal sleep.
6) You will develop amazing cat-like reflexes when it comes to your child trying to throw himself backwards out of your arms. I don't even think anyone sees my arm move anymore.
7) Be prepared for your friends without children to be confused when you seemingly start cooing at them over the phone. You may even get less calls from them after this. Don't be frightened. They still love you. It's just having someone say, "Oh, it's ok my little boo boo monster baby," in baby talk while they are trying to talk to you about the finer points of a movie they saw last night can be a bit creepy.
8) You will no longer have a glamorous life. No more staying up super late (unless your child hates sleep)...even on a Friday night. No more date nights for awhile. Date night will consist of either you or your husband holding your child while you attempt to watch a movie or tv show. It usually fails miserably.
9) You will eventually tune out annoying toys. Every so often you will get the urge to burn the makers of the toy at the stake. This is a completely normal reaction that will pass.
10) You will willingly sing Bingo to get a smile from your child. Don't worry if you have the urge to shoot the farmer who had a dog named bingo...and bingo for that matter...it's totally normal.
11) Pajama's are your friend. Learn to love them.
12) If you are breastfeeding...the only time you will sit still when they reach about 3 months is when you nurse them. Take advantage of this.
13) Invest in a wrap or sling. Your arms will thank you...especially if you have a gigantic beast baby like I did.
14) If you intend to breastfeed know this: The pain does go away. Push through it. It will be worth it!!
15) Most important of all: You will LOVE every minute of this. You won't mind to terribly when your child poops on you because, afterall, poop washes off. You won't mind being spit up on because spit up also washes off. Hang on tight. You're in for a ride...a spectacular and amazing ride.